are you wasting time

are you wasting time?

Time is the only thing we can measure, save, sell and buy -- but we cannot see it, touch it, hear it, or ever have enough of it. For this reason, wasting time (not to be confused with killing time) is something reserved for when you have already completed everything you've set out to do. If you want to be as anti-productive as possible, you've come to the perfect place. We'll cover wasting time anywhere and everywhere -- from home to work to your doctor's office -- and then ways to get even a little more creative.

1

Plan. Set down whatever it is you should be doing and start planning something better. Maybe your next vacation? How you would take over the world? What would you do under threat of a zombie attack? There are so many situations you're just not ready for! So hop to it!

• What you plan can range from the absurd to the mundane to everywhere in between. You could spend the next hour planning how to redecorate your bedroom or you could spend it planning your next convo with Kim-Jong Un. What do you think he would say if you asked to play a game of Horse with him and Dennis Rodman? And better yet, who do you think would win?
• Okay, but seriously. If zombies were to attack, which of your friends would you just have to leave behind because they'd slow you down? What skills should you start working on now just in case? You gotta be useful if and when the time comes.

2

Calculate. There are so many numbers out there that you haven't added up. What if the digits in your Social Security number equal 66? You probably don't know if they do, do you? Well find out! Here's a list of things you could start calculating:

• Your budget. This one is actually sort of useful, and "useful" here means alarming and depressing, in addition to the conventional sense of the word.
• How many minutes you've been alive or the amount until your birthday, etc.
• Just what percent of $1 million you would give your loved ones and/or charity
• How many people you meet per year and what percentage of them you actually like

3

Imagine. This is sort of like planning, but there's no cause and effect. You can truly let your mind wander with this and hopefully stumble upon some veritable mind gold. Sure, you've imagined yourself as a billionaire, as yachting in the Mediterranean with the Kardashians, as having your dream job, but have you tried really stretching the limits of your creativity?

• Imagine that you get locked in the bathroom sometime in the next thirty minutes. How do you get out?
• Imagine that you have to teach a bear to dance or else. What's your teaching methodology?
• Imagine if you turned into a werewolf right now. What would be the first thing you'd probably do? Werewolves have little impulse control, so it's important to stay realistic.
  • Just kidding. You can be a werewolf with presentient abilities if you'd like.
• Imagine having to go hunt or gather your lunch. What would you end up eating?
• Imagine everyone around you wearing kilts. After all, why not?

4

Make lists. It's fine if you don't have a pen and paper; you can rely on your brainpower for this one. We're not talking about what you need at the grocery store -- that'd actually be useful -- we're talking about all these preferences you don't know you actually have. Consider the following:

• Make a list of all the words you can make with your name
• Make a list of the ten most attractive people you know
• Make a list of the ten ugliest people you know
• Make a list of questions you'd like the answers to
• Make a list of your most impressive moments
• Make a list of the things you'd do and/or people you'd arrest if given dictatorial powers

5

Memorize. Might as well arm yourself with ammo to impress your friends with at the next party. The first 36 digits of pi? As simple as the Fibonacci sequence. The more gullible friends might even mistake you for Rain Man if you're willing to milk it. (hey, as long as you're not being mistaken for Russell Crowe, it's a win). Here are a few things you could get to knowing like the back of your hand (if you have that memorized, that is):

• A handful of famous mathematical formulas
• The order of the books of the Bible
• The succession of the Kings of England
• The dates and verdicts of the most influential supreme court cases
• The lyrics to "Gangsta's Paradise"
• Who are we kidding? These are all totally useful.

6

Recall. Alright, instead of putting your mind to work intaking new information, why not just recall the old? Take a minute to sit back, relax, and remember your glory days. They're there somewhere, right?

• Try to remember everyone on your bus this morning, or your commute to work. What details can you recall?
• Recreate your bedroom in your head. What spots are curiously empty?
• Remember what your best friends looked like when they were younger and your fondest memories together
• Recall the last time you complimented/shouted at/laughed at/helped out someone

7

Challenge yourself. Who needs other people? You can just challenge yourself! Best your own abilities! Self-improvement is hardly a waste of time, but we'll include it on this list anyway -- because hopefully holding your breath for long periods of time won't be a skill you have to use at any time in the near future.

• See how long you can go without blinking/breathing/talking/using the letter "n," etc.
• See how many times you can fold a piece of paper
• See how well you can balance -- on your toes, a house of cards, a lonely game of Jenga, etc.
• See how easily embarrassed you can get by publicly imitating an animal, walking around with your clothes on backwards, or singing near the top of your lungs.

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